“Remember: despite how open, peaceful, and loving you attempt to be, people can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves.” – Kahn
“But if these years have taught me anything it is this: you can never run away. Not ever. The only way out is in.” – Diaz
Whoa. This book is fantastic. Philosophical and psychological perspective 🙌🏼 Mark Manson has me like “what?!?” in so many ways. Truth. Truth. Truth, y’all. Albeit, hard truths are not what we want to hear, but don’t they so often bring the greatest results? 💛
Reading this makes you dig deeper; it drives self-questioning; it makes you evaluate your emotions, personal values, and how values are our standards. What are your priorities? How do they align to your values? The same values which influence your decision making more than anything else.
I’m the girl that always asks “why” … many times in serious situations because I truly believe in self-awareness, growth, and perspective, but in the silliest of situations as well. Just plain curiosity! 🤓 We often don’t ask WHY enough! When we ask this of ourselves we can understand the root cause of a problem, mistake, or pain point and begin to change. It’s lacking in today’s society, but thinking more clearly about what you’re choosing to find important in life and what you’re choosing to find unimportant in life is the key to your overall happiness. It’s reorienting our expectations.
Confronting deeper problems rather than avoiding them through “highs” or chasing the next best thing and the “what ifs”, allows for progress and growth. When we truly measure our lives, ourselves, and those around us through a deeper knowledge of personal values, we can start to give a f*ck about the things that are better for our well-being and happiness and stop giving a f*ck about the things that don’t serve us.
Problems are inevitable, so when life gives us those sticky moments, we should become comfortable, acknowledge, and learn to handle it in a healthy way rather than avoid, repress, or deny the reality. Our struggles determine our successes. Pain and hurt is useful whether we like it or not. It changes us and teaches us to never do or allow the same again.
I’ll admit diving into this book has brought up emotion about a past relationship. I’ve learned a great deal about honesty and healthy boundaries and I’m probably still working on it (hence the slight caution in my current dating life 😉). I may think too much, know or remember too much for my own good, and oftentimes feel too much, but that’s me and I kind of love it.❤️ It’s part of life, it helps me understand, it’s the self-trust and intuition that is usually spot on and should be listened to more often. All of this allows me to comprehend situations and hurt, such as being lied to and cheated on. It’s becoming fully aware that it’s not my fault (but is my responsibility to choose how to learn from such circumstances). I cannot control another person’s words and actions and I can’t keep it from happening to someone else. It’s knowing I did what I could to live up to my values, as well as the values and standards used to measure him and the overall relationship. “Values underlie everything we are and do.” Having a deeper knowledge of my own personal values doesn’t always mean that those I choose to spend time with have the same knowledge and self-awareness. When someone says they value one thing, but act in an opposite manner, it simply proves they either value different things than they identify or they measure those values differently. I trusted that our values aligned and assumed that loyalty, respect, and admirable actions were a standard. Looking at the situation differently allows me to forgive myself; I simply gave my love and sweetness to someone who just wasn’t capable of more, it allows me to see the lesson and the blessing, and helps me prioritize my values for the next go-round.
Honest self-questioning = the more uncomfortable the answer, the more likely it is to be true. Don’t be afraid of the truth, the truth is far better than breaking trust or ignoring feelings, half-assed apologies, or simply forcing someone to accept an apology they’ll never receive. The truth allows you to use your problems as opportunities for self-improvement.
I highly recommend this book when you’re ready to delve in. The idea of counterintuitive values is pretty solid:
-Taking responsibility (for everything that happens in your life)
-Uncertainty (the ignorance and doubt we have about ourselves and our beliefs)
-Failure (the concept of owning your flaws and mistakes so they can simply be improved upon)
-Rejection (healthy boundaries! ability to both say and hear “no”)
-Immortality (keeping values in proper perspective)
“We don’t always choose what happens to us, but we can choose to see it as a positive, to believe it is for the best, and to use it to grow.” A simple shift in perspective. 😊
**I also recommend picking up Gabby Bernstein’s The Universe Has Your Back and Levine and Heller’s Attached.
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